Crea

God answers prayers, and not just sort of.

The past couple of weeks in class we have been learning
about how to present our stories and how we can minister to people through
events in our lives. We were all told to pray that we come into contact with someone
and be given the opportunity to do this. It seems like during this time
everyone had been receiving great opportunities to do this and having amazing,
sobering, experiences with God. However, I felt like I was not experiencing
these. I was starting to feel less than the others, maybe I was not close
enough with God to deserve this kind of reward or answer. During these few
weeks I had also been struggling with my faith. Doing something completely self-centered,
I prayed one night to have God show me something that was undeniably Him. Little
did I know that He would do this in one of the most powerful ways.

During our time here in Nicaragua the boys in our group go
to a drug rehab center called Crea. They share all these amazing
stories about how they have seen God though the men at Crea. Crea put on a
worship celebration last Saturday (Nov. 1) and we were invited to present our
drimes (dramas to music) and have a couple of people share their testimonies.
Now, I have always been really afraid to share my testimony, for fear of
what other people would think. However, a few days before when we were
asked if anyone would volunteer, my hand SHOT up. I remember thinking “shoot God Shoot! why is my hand up? I don’t want to give my testimony”

During the following days leading up to the celebration I
was really struggling with my feelings about God, trying to sort
though how I really felt and why. I didn’t just want to believe
in God because I was told to, I wanted to have my own reasons and fully
stand behind them.

The day I was supposed to give my testimony was
probably one of the hardest days I have had in Nicaragua. I was really
really struggling. A few hours before I was about to speak I still
had nothing. I almost didn’t speak. I was questioning every belief
I had ever had about God. At that moment in time I was probably the exact
WRONG person to go and talk about how God is amazing in my life.
I was not feeling it, and did not want to lie to these people
about how God is amazing all the time and He has just made my life
amazing. That’s not what these people want or need to hear.  

Feeling defeated and run down I went to my room and prayed.
I have two hours before I am supposed to speak to a group of people and I don’t
know what to say. I don’t know what I think about God and I don’t want to feed
these people a line. God Help.

Immediately following that prayer I knew exactly what I was
going to talk about. I wrote the whole presentation in about 10 minutes, got
dressed and went to Crea.

The entire walk there I was still filled with anxiety. I didn’t
know if it was going to be good enough, I didn’t know if it was even the right
thing to say, what if I had not prepared enough, I did not want to embarrass
myself. The walk there I was talking with Joe, he was going to talk also, and
he just seemed so confident and he knew what he was going to talk about. The
service before the testimonies was filled with worship and drimes. Our group
did amazing!

And then it was my turn to speak, I was so nervous. But as
soon as I opened my mouth the Lord just flowed out. That testimony was one of
the most powerful speeches I have ever given, and it was the Lord using me. I
spoke about not doing things because you feel you have to live up to some
expectation. Looking holy for people around you will not get you into Heaven.
God knows your motives and He knows your heart. Putting on a show is not what
the Lord wants for any of us. I spoke with such passion and authority that it
could not have been me. There was no way I was capable of giving that speech.
It was incredible how God has used me, drug me down, made me question
everything and then used that experience to relate to people. God had thrown my hand up into the air for a reason. I accredit
everything that happened with me to the Lord. I would not have done it by myself.